back in mississauga indefinitely till i figure out what i want to do next.

the job search has been rather slow and drawn out. of course, looking for work in the government is just that; right from the hiring process that slowness of the bureaucracy is just awfully painful.

applying for jobs that have closing dates two weeks down the line and followed by another 4-6 week period is not good when i'm burning through my savings like a mofo.

as such, once the lease ran out my old place, i headed back home with the parents to stabilize the financial bleeding. but the last few weeks have filled my minds that now i have a chance to apply for a butt load of government jobs and bail for europe for 5 or 6 weeks. thinking that life isn't going to afford such windows again and this summer is the potential.

but being awfully cheap makes it difficult to plunk several grand on a few week trip against future earnings that aren't even there yet. something more sensible (cheaper) that i'm considering is a train trip through canada or roadtrip through the united states. either way, the likelihood of non-working is guaranteed in the coming summer months so why idle away what may be the last summer vacation of my life?

either way; i'm getting rather restless and living this unstructured leisurely life is getting to me. i avoid daytime television out of fear of becoming more placid. the day's tasks of consist of applying for work, hitting the gym, and taking an occassional piss. certainly this isn't the way i expected things to be at this point. the idleness makes me want to call up the old pot dealer to see if he's still in the trade.

some folks in the program that jobs gladly gloat working in either ottawa, toronto or far as edmonton. perhaps out of jealousy, i really don't see what's there to gloat about being a bureaucrat?? i took this career choice as a safety path; a comfort food profession that's safe without the glitz and glamour; ie: that much earnings. to outsiders, the idea of working for the government seems to be something. for me, it's just a job. i got to know a senior civil this year who said i could do this with my eyes closed. it's not really assuring and since then planted doubts just how much i really want this.

but doing additional schooling just isn't an option. at a certain point that plethora of degrees and year's spent is school just looks like a caution flag of someone who can't function in the work world. this year, i got meet a dude with a PHD and was a doing a masters degree with me. stuff like that puzzles some but i took him for a guy not cut out for the academia or the working world. no one wants to be that guy.

same as meeting people who actually aspire to have 5 titles after their name. if anything, this year taught me that to an extent education is seemingly useless for personal growth but whether it furthers a career i find equally questionable. if i was recruiting i wouldn't consider a 28 year old with two masters degrees whose working credentials are highlighted by 3 year stint as a barista.

regardless; two weeks of being back and having nothing to do feels like it's starting to play with my mind.

i need something quick.