a while back i mocked those sitting in the library mid-afternoon as people that are generally unemployed or entirely unemployable.

now that i find myself one of them; it's not so bad. serves me right. mind you, i sort of saw this coming so i prepared with anticipation.

trying to find meaningful is pretty bleak these days. seeking out government work just compounds these things.

countless of cover letters and resume have been sent out to just about every ontario ministry. one call back thus far that proved doomed from the get go. so the search continues. even a brief contemplation of applying for an internship in aylmer ontario; until i realized it's an amish community and settling into the town would be a bit of a challenge. in the end, common sense won over the need to work.

i even applied at my old place of employment as a sort of intermittent job. ironically, i went back to school to find something better than what i was doing and going back was solely for a weekly paycheck.

which i think they called back the next morning around 10am but since my cell phone was on silent, lacks call display and no voicemail, i have no way of proving it. that's how professionals roll yo. i tried to contact them to no avail and was thoroughly pissed they called (potentially) that early in the day. should they not know the unemployed generally sleep till the noon hour?? it's only common courtesy to call in the afternoon when there is a greater chance of being up already.

so the job hunt carries on; luckily ottawa jobs are springing up again so that door isn't entirely closed off yet.

on the bright side, all those down time gives me plenty of time to find new music. mos def has a new solid record, drum n' bass in general is solid music, pearl jam's new tune is bleh, and work out partner at the gym had killer tips until he found out he's going to jail this weekend. darn.

being overtly health conscious isn't all that easy. sure, you pride yourself on self-control and gains you are able to make, but when it comes to being in a social setting with individuals that such things are talked about in passing but never acted upon; you come off as the weird one.

never mind trying to tell them about GI index that would sound as foreign as the chinese language.

so finding ourselves at get togethers and scanning the selection for food for something of minimal fat to protein ratios can be difficult without sounding too much of a douche. i learned from past experiences that people just don't want to be lectured on their eating habits.

i try and tell them my brother that eating three bagels with cream cheese on the daily basis isn't the smartest decision he can make. yet, i come off as the asshole for looking out for his health.

saturday night; the selection of pork, fried rice, chips, cheese, and of course, two family-sized picnic coolers of beer limited my options.

the idea of 'health freaks' bringing their own foods is just as ridiculous as deciding what i can eat off the table.

without being vain and going abouts explaining why such foods aren't part of my diet--out of the simple goal of not offending the host--i nibbled on the pork chop for a good amount of time.

drinking the beer was just as difficult; over a span of seven hours i nursed three beers and still counted the nearly 700 calories that i pointlessly poured down my throat. this is tougher than it seems as my reduction of beer consumption is pretty new and there's always the temption to drink like the fish i did a mere months ago. and not being a fan of liquor, beer was the drug of choice.

having no excuse to get nekkid and flaunt my summer body as to why these sort of things consume me this time of the year, i wasn't all that socially festive and waited for the first person to pack up, so the dominoes would fall and i could make my departure.

i guess being healthy isn't all its cracked out to be when you're surrounded by so many foods that you just want to devour most of the time. and i wonder, who has it better; the one concerned about eating healthy or the one who gives a fuck all about such things?

back in mississauga indefinitely till i figure out what i want to do next.

the job search has been rather slow and drawn out. of course, looking for work in the government is just that; right from the hiring process that slowness of the bureaucracy is just awfully painful.

applying for jobs that have closing dates two weeks down the line and followed by another 4-6 week period is not good when i'm burning through my savings like a mofo.

as such, once the lease ran out my old place, i headed back home with the parents to stabilize the financial bleeding. but the last few weeks have filled my minds that now i have a chance to apply for a butt load of government jobs and bail for europe for 5 or 6 weeks. thinking that life isn't going to afford such windows again and this summer is the potential.

but being awfully cheap makes it difficult to plunk several grand on a few week trip against future earnings that aren't even there yet. something more sensible (cheaper) that i'm considering is a train trip through canada or roadtrip through the united states. either way, the likelihood of non-working is guaranteed in the coming summer months so why idle away what may be the last summer vacation of my life?

either way; i'm getting rather restless and living this unstructured leisurely life is getting to me. i avoid daytime television out of fear of becoming more placid. the day's tasks of consist of applying for work, hitting the gym, and taking an occassional piss. certainly this isn't the way i expected things to be at this point. the idleness makes me want to call up the old pot dealer to see if he's still in the trade.

some folks in the program that jobs gladly gloat working in either ottawa, toronto or far as edmonton. perhaps out of jealousy, i really don't see what's there to gloat about being a bureaucrat?? i took this career choice as a safety path; a comfort food profession that's safe without the glitz and glamour; ie: that much earnings. to outsiders, the idea of working for the government seems to be something. for me, it's just a job. i got to know a senior civil this year who said i could do this with my eyes closed. it's not really assuring and since then planted doubts just how much i really want this.

but doing additional schooling just isn't an option. at a certain point that plethora of degrees and year's spent is school just looks like a caution flag of someone who can't function in the work world. this year, i got meet a dude with a PHD and was a doing a masters degree with me. stuff like that puzzles some but i took him for a guy not cut out for the academia or the working world. no one wants to be that guy.

same as meeting people who actually aspire to have 5 titles after their name. if anything, this year taught me that to an extent education is seemingly useless for personal growth but whether it furthers a career i find equally questionable. if i was recruiting i wouldn't consider a 28 year old with two masters degrees whose working credentials are highlighted by 3 year stint as a barista.

regardless; two weeks of being back and having nothing to do feels like it's starting to play with my mind.

i need something quick.

growing up in toronto and being a fan of rock music, edge 102/cfny was a staple to hear new music, follow the 'alternative' scene and even anticipate the album premiers long before internet leaks were the norm.

highlights included having pearl jam's no code dubbed on a cassette tape (well most of it) two weeks before the album release date. tape recording of dave grohl being interviewed about the making of the colour and the shape.

but as the technology changed, so did the reliance on radio. online sources like the groundbreaking Napster to current sites like pitchfork, hype'em and last.fm really allow audiences to seek out their niche sound in real time pretty much doing away radio among today's 20 somethings.

and with the advent of the ipod and ability to transport music--car included--radio became a last refuge source to find new music. mind you, the medium was not helping itself with a standard play list of the same 10-12 songs on a daily basis.

nonetheless, there is something familiar about radio that modern technology cannot duplicate; the personality behind the music.

the death of martin streek is doubly saddening as it marks an end--at least in toronto--to a particular brand of radio that seems to be fading. mr. streek represented the old guard of authoritative music figures that were passionate about it and disseminating it to the biggest possible audiences. today's DJs lack the same breadth of knowledge (or at least withhold it in the face of corporate pressure) that is unlikely to see radio make a successful transition parallel to the internet's ways of spreading new sounds. instead there is a reliance on lazy playlists that get stale quickly unless you enjoy hearing the same music day in and day out. sadly, the station's management chose to continue on that path when martin streek was laid off--along with barry taylor--as a part of the company's restructuring plan.

reading the out pour of support on facebook, twitter and the edge's site, martin was a respected, loved and cared for being beyond his radio personality.

keep it locked, cranked and full tilt martin.