the world is populated by over 6 billion people. think about that staggering number just for a little while. it's hard to comprehend such a number as doubtfully anyone have seen anything to be of 6 billion and even close.

and think of your own position. you make up 0.0000000001 of the world's population. just a grain of sand on a dirty sphere.

within my small geographical region there is something like 6-7 million but the place i am mostly limited to a good 1 million people trot among me. i see them everyday driving, shopping, walking their dogs, and so forth. some of them are odd looking and some of them are strikingly gorgeous. it doesn't matter because most of the faces i come in contact everyday i'll never see ever again. the possibility of running into a stranger more than once seems to be stacked against my odds.

wednesday afternoon after class i headed to a nearby plaza to pick up a few items from the local grocer. upon the purchase i headed to a coffee shop that makes killer good coffee.

when walking there i made eye contact with a girl roughly aged 19. what stood out was her piercingly gorgeous black eyes which i was entranced by for a good 3-4 seconds before having to look away. as extended eye contact with anyone makes me overtly nervous and that feeling is multiplied by strangers. she had the stereotypical british face and noting the union jack flag on her zebra stripped bag i figured she just might be a brit. the past 5 months have been rather successful with girls of british descent for moi. well actually, only one but that's beside the point. as we walked our seperate ways the first thought was that i'll never see her again.

fast forward to this morning in the same plaza around 9am. before heading to school i stopped off to pick up some of that killer good coffee again. going through the mall is the first time i think of her since the incident two days prior. i make nothing of it.

after making my purchase i am heading through the mall back back to the car when in the distance i spot her again. the same girl from wednesday afternoon and from her facial expression i sense she too is remind of our encounter. i slow down and pretend to read the real estate bulletin board allowing her to come closer. obviously my all of sudden desire to look at condo ads seems out of place but whatever. as she passing, i resume walking and she throws me a soft gentle smile and being the social retard that i am my response comes in the form of a wink. nothing else and we proceed to walk past each other. i turn around to catch her turning around. but this subtle exchange meant that absolute strangerhood is no more.

i'm not exactly sure what she was doing in the mall but judging the direction she was walking and none of the shops being open she was going to the bus terminal. seeing as she was in the mall walking to the buses figures she may live within the proximity of the plaza and therefore within 3km radius of your truly. the idea crossed my mind to check what bus she gets on to get a sense of where she goes. possibly what school or something. anything about this stranger but degree of this relationship is not enough to initiate stalking-like behaviour. heaven forbid she would turn out and see me walking behind her.

if there is a third time i figure i must get a name. something anything and get her to tell me what she's thought of these two experiences in the past 48 hours. since i am a frequent patron to this mall and she appears to be one as well. there just may be another encounter. if anything wednesdays around 2pm and friday at 9am is when she gets on the bus if she is some sort of schedule.

would you believe that jennifer good has a blog? jennifer good being the wife of matthew good. musician extradinaire. she's put a couple of pictures of herself and she's a smoking little number. i must say mr. good has done, well, good. it's nothing interesting but who doesn't want to lure into the private life of a canadian "celebrity?"

wait that's an oxymoron.

i got nothing folks. nothing.

it took them a few years but the fools at fox television have owned up to their mistake of cancelling family guy few seasons back. i've always felt the problem was that family guy was on the wrong network. fox is home to the simpsons and the network's loyalty to that show has curbed development of anything new. if family guy was head-to-head with fox's simpsons it would have never been cancelled and by now would have been the reigning animated sitcom.

the show has enjoyed massive success in syndication, through dvd sales and will be back for a second run. to undue the damage the show is coming back may 1st at 9pm. seeing the simpsons have been flat for the last few years not generating the same laughs they once did fox is looking into something new. something they should have done years ago. simpsons have secured their legacy in television history but their times has come. it is no longer the show of my child. they should have done what seinfeld done and left on top just as the material was growing thin. seinfeld will be remembered as walking away at the height of the show's popularity knowing he had reached the pinnacle. you can only go down from that point on.

i'm not overtly sure this 'back from the dead' scheme for family guy is going to work as by the time spring hits the hype may ultimately kill the show.

now if only they un-cancelled 'andy richter controls the universe' fox would be back in my good books.

according to some seasonal disorder specialist out of scotland today was the most depressing day of the year. which is good to know it's cold. you're miserable. out of shape. and have pretty much broken those new year's resolutions you were supposed to carry out. the man has even devised a math formula on reasons why you wish you were dead on january 24th:

[W +(D-d)] x TQ divided by M x NA.M

W is the weather, D is debt minus the money (d) you earned in January. T is the time since Christmas and Q, the time since you lapsed back into your bad habits. Divide that by M — your low motivational level — and NA, the need to take action.

i don't know what any of this means as my math skills are limited to basic bedmas but it all sounds super smart how this gentleman added, subtracted, multiplied, and divided the alphabet to justify my blues.

yes i am in debt.

i am out of shape.

i've broken my only new year's resolution. (farthest i've ever made it though! progress people! there is progress!)

massively negative cash flow.

no motivation to do anything at all. instead of writing an essay that is due in the morning i am sitting here reading about how i am not motivated to do anything tonight and some dude in scotland devised a formula to justify my behaviour.

but hey look on the bright side people. if this is the lowest of the low. we can only go up. we've got to hit rock bottom and from that point on things can only get better.

fuck. what a lame post. i'm trying to kill time knowing a miserable paper is still which thus far has amounted to three hours of utter bullshit that's completely not on topic. but i've written 4 pages so i am half way there!

often people refer to me as "immature", "not acting my age" and so forth. these words usually come from my parents, grandparents and people who understand me. i don't let it bother me and usually respond with, "i don't know but i've been told that you never die if you never grow old." i don't exactly know what this means but i don't think it should be taken in the literal sense. we all die. it's fact of life.

as i kid i used to look forward to adulthood. the first chance i got to prove i could do adult-like things i would. being young sucked because of all these restraints making early years seem rather boring. but as you age and your authority and degree of responsibilities widen it can become rather intimidating. things being complicated and not as clear cut as everything once was. nonetheless you can't avoid them. it's how you approach them that determines everything.

one defining aspect of life is of course "what you do." by that i don't mean what tricks can you do and whether you can roll your tongue. "what you do" means how is that you generate monies. some of us go to great expenses earning pieces of paper that will help us answer this question when someone asks, "so what do you do?" the more complex the title sounds the more rich you appear. after finishing first year of university i figured it's time to start looking around for those complex title jobs because a piece of paper just won't be enough.

through the school i landed a 6-week placement at a firm that deals with community security issues. it sounded fun but that job turned into more than a job. each week we were expected to write reports on what we learned. what we found challenging and so forth. this self-reflection task was meant for us to balance our day-to-day tasks with the possibility that we may have to take our work home as well. so basically writing this shit every weekend was not something i would get paid for. besides that every night i had to take a portion of my work home to make sure everything is up to speed following morning. by the end of the second week the movie 'office space' became my bible and watched it over and over realizing this is what i mean doing.

when the six weeks were up the other students in my placement were anxiously searching for the next placement but i knew i wasn't ready for this line of work. throughout the six weeks i felt awfully depressed and really had little or no social contact with those outside of the workplace. it became the most mind numbing experience ever and i was staggered as to why the other kids wanted to seek out more of this. instead of looking for the next 'office space' i went back to my grocery manager and had my leave of absence end a bit early than they expected. for the next three months or so i worked full time at that place and felt a lot happier than the office placement gig. i just wasn't ready for "real" work yet. the grocery story operates rather simply. at the end of the day when you hit the punch clock that's that. what was finished or wasn't completed stays within the store. the minute i walk out and get into my car i do not think about that job. this is why they pay so little because they don't expect grocery to be an all encompassing process and low wages are justified. i didn't mind it because by then i earned several raises and my only expenses were limited to car, social, and saving a few dollars to make the minimum tuition fee in the fall. clocking in 40 hours every week provided enough money for all this. no one expected any reports to be handed in on monday. no additional "home" work each evening. nothing just eight hours a day and the occassional weekend shift.

i saw both sides of the labour market and realized i am not ready for the "real world" quite yet. so all you kids fretting because the summer is looming and you do not have a "real" job. don't sweat it. find some part time work. if you need additional funds take a second part time job and then enjoy the rest of the summer. you have four decades of work ahead of missing one summer isn't going to make a grand difference in the long run. i am mere credits away from graduation but instead this summer will do what i did last year and fix stuff around the house for people. not only do i learn pratical skills that will make me a handy-dandy person in the future but when the work day is done so are my thoughts of work. i did this last summer and made more than two years ago at the grocery store. was able to pay for a trip to europe and afford minimum tuition and then throughout the school year the grocery job paid off the rest. sure my back is permanently fucked after last summer's physically demanding tasks but i don't sweat it because i am enjoying everything else.

another thing that's responsible for my "immature" attitude is life experience. i'll briefly tell you about a life long-friend who we'll name "life long friend" for the sake of anonymity. i've known life-long friend since grade school and one thing i loved about her is her care-free totally out there free-as-a-bird take on life that went on through grade school, high school. she was living completely for yourself and nobody else. at times she came off as a selfish crass bitch but you loved her for it because she knew exactly what she always wanted and nothing get in her way. i was completely the opposite trying to be the "nice guy" and do everything for others but came off nothing more than a gullable pushover. trying to be happy made me unhappy and whenever someone came across me i buried it because being "nice" wins over people. i envied life long friend somewhat because she always get everything to go her way while i didn't. nonetheless i continued being passive old me because i guess that's i was raise as a sort of "willy loman" type of guy where being good and polite is the key to success. it's not. you become miserable and end up having nothing to show for it.

the life long friend who lived for anybody but herself ended up becoming pregnant around the time my lengthy relationship ended with let's call her "high school love." these two events changed everything that i did to approach people. life long friend decided to have the child and the birth was single handedly the most dramatic change of character i've witnessed. few days after delivering the child i visited her at the hospital and thought i walked into the walk room. i guess being completely responsible for another life will do that to you. now everything she thinks, does or plans to do has to take into account she has a child. that can be rather complicated for a person like her but she's adjusted smoothly. her decision to keep the child had a lot to do with her realizing she needed stability and i don't know what other ways one can gain stability than her parenthood. i respect what she did but she is not the same person anymore. she's "settled down", "grown up" etc. something i have yet to do.

around this time my relationship with "high school love" ended. it lasted for nearly three years and i really believe this was it. well so did she for a while there. we were going to finish school together. get married. have two children. and live happily ever after. when you think you have everything figure out at 16 and have it collapse onto itself when you're 19. it's painfully overwhelming. a portion of youth years was devoted to building a fantasy that fell apart because by being so "self less" to high school love i was making myself miserable. i can't say i was getting nothing in return from the relationship but come to think of it. it really wasn't on par. but her beauty and flattering words had me locked in a dream where this was going to be the rest of my life. in the end all that you give is not going to make you happy. you have to make yourself happy before you can make others truly happy. life-long friend taught me once it's time to settle down and you're not content. you will make those around you miserable in the long run and all your deference is word shit unless you are at peace with yourself. high school love taught me i have to look out for number one. in fact her friend once told her that. exact same words: look at for number one and everything will work itself out. i though that was the stupidest shit i've ever heard. today i would've taken that advice myself and ran.

i'm finally learning to be truly happy just by taking everything in stride. i am not there yet but when i find it. you'll be the first to know. this shit you are told about setting long term goals. short term goal. organizing everything and anything is fucking bullshit. i tried that already only to discover i was completely and utterly miserable. none of that takes into account everything around you that is unknown and bound to come about in the future. now i just get from one day to the next going about regular business. eventually i know i'll have to make similar sacrifices as lifelong friend but i can't do that until i know what it is that i want. so therefor i come across as somewhat of a dick just being thinking about myself. sorry if you're offended by that but it's my life coping mechanism and it's been working. just the other day a friend questioned as to how my lady friend can tolerate me. i've told lady friend all this and she gets it because she is doing the exact same thing. somehow our train thoughts being on the same page has eliminated envy, built up anger, and any type of resentment. when shit come up we deal with it right then and there and yes, compromise. being completely self absorbed is impractical i know that. i am in a relationship now that's based on happiness and both of us getting something out of it for our own sake. i'm not making grand plans because i don't want to fall into the same trap that i once did but i have moments of glimmer that suggest i'll be hearing a british voice for at least an extended period of time and for that i am happy.

i know in the long run i'll have the "real" job and begin to settle down but i've lost a few years figuring out what i want and how i am. so for the time being allow me to be the "immature selfish jerk" while i get everything around me sorted. don't worry. i'll join you soon enough. just not yet.

this morning i am awakened by my cell phone playing pearl jam's given to fly. the ringtone was cool when i previewed it but now that i paid a dollar for the thing it's annoying because only after you buy a ringtone do you realize, "fuck! this doesn't sound anything like pearl jam!" but having already paid for i'll have to wear it out knowing it was a dollar well spent. for a while i had that "la coo coo racha! la coo coo racha!" tone but that stopped being funny early on. but i carried on out of spite to the point i wanted to drown my phone everytime anyone called. now pearl jam is doing the same thing to me but i'd never drown a pearl jam related item. never.

i pick up the phone.

funny guy: yo? what's the gameplan? (gameplan = when and where do we meet to do drugs)
me: uhh...i have some schoolwork to do and then work in the afternoon. not sure bud
funny guy: oh
me: yeah
(a bit of silence)
funny guy: i'll call you another day then. peace

i love this guy. no need to diddle his twat and vice versa. i need to make more "friends" like this guy. no bullshitting around just a single person with equal benefits.

i go back to sleep with no intention of doing any schoolwork until at least monday night when it is the last possible chance to get anything done. then i know i'll actually do some work instead of fucking around. besides it's two really simple essays by a professor that hands out 80%s whenever you put in: hierarchy is BAD!, partiarchy is BAD, gender equality is GOOD! i just quote a bunch dudes who say it a little more prettier than i do and i get my A. mediocre garble has gotten me through three years of university and i'm not about to change my ways because i am a silly stupid stubborn man.

before getting any sleep the pearl jam phone goes off and it is my lady friend of significance questioning as to why i did not call her in the morninig. i know this relationship is progressing smoothly when she starts to worry i might be dead in a ditch somewhere and calls in the morning to check up. i feel loved and wanted.

i haven't mentioned her yet but she's really geat and i like her a lot and love being around her. she's british and supersexy because she looks her norah jones and uses to her advantage. the supersexy part not the norah jones part. though that might work too. she's really funny as well and i think all british people have some sort of comedic gene the rest of the world envious. jews too. they're funny but their humour came out of generations of suffering and laughter is what kept them going. brits however had it fairly nice throughout history and so what spawns their humour is a myster someone needs to look into. case example of my lady's humour is this morning when she told me to put on the television to watch bush's inaugaration ceremony and laura bush was walking out onto the main stage. here's some paraphasing

lady friend (in her super sexy british accented voice): look at her. i am sure she has never given a blow job to anyone in her life.
me: what makes you think that?
lady friend: that retarded (she says that a lot) smile. look at the way she greets everyone and that walk. she is not comfortable in her own body at all. she still hasn't faced reality she is stuck with it until she is dead.
me: what does that have to do with not sucking dick?
lady friend: there is nothing graceful about her. penis in your mouth is about liberation. think about it. i could bite you at any point but you'll keep coming back. you are at my mercy. i don't think she understands her potential. look at her.

i laughed and laughed and laughed and now have a coffee stain on my shirt. she wasn't trying to be funny but this is the most i laughed in a long time. she's great like that and i am at mercy at comedic intution.

tomorrow night we are going together to see the musical act that is named metric. the band is also playing there on saturday sunday and monday. the tickets keep selling out and they keep adding more dates. at this pace the band is never going to leave toronto and i am happy for that. i also have tickets for saturday night but lady friend has to work late so if you wanna go with moi. holler!! my pearl jam phone is waiting for you.

this is a big test for our young relationship because i sort of have a sexual crush on the lead singer of the band. last time we went to a show together was ron sexsmith and i contained myself because i only have non-sexual crush on mr. sexsmith. but tomorrow night emily haines is going to be on stage and if i do not yell, "emily! i want you to have my babies!" i know i can be a good faithful boyfriend.

you see emily haines is fucking amazing. and really hot but super sexual instant hot. but because of what she does. i have nothing but utter want-to-get-down-on-my-knees-and-pray respect for anyone that makes music that is profoundly beautiful and opens doors. pearl jam got me into old stuff like neil young and john lennon. rem opened my eyes into some sweet new waves tunes that were coming out in the mid 80s. now thanks to metric and their fanbase i learned about the likes of broken social scene feist yeah yeah yeahs and all other cool goodies i thought only silly emo 14 year olds listen to.

not only that but because emily fronts an all male-band that is damn erotic no? seriously. the world is music has been historically reserved for meat head males whose incorporation of women was to signify the pussy they get. sort of the shit you see in rap videos these days. wow you have money and lay "bitches" with "asses". blah blah blah. shut up! if you're ugly ass and shit for brains wasn't on mtv every three minutes you'd be home jacking off right now. look at the fat joe. what the fuck is that?! you dumb cunt! respect what you're doing because the likes of emily from metric are taking the world by storm and the only "pimping" you'll be doing....is something. i can't think of a witty analogy right now. i am in a rush to get this typed out.

so the jist: female singers in male bands are sexy not always because they are easy on the eyes but because what they do is honestly brutal, sincere and for some of us that take music seriously it is nice to music still remains an artful form that was not been "rapized" by the 50 cents of the wold. emily haines for prime minister! sorry for the lack of mention about the men in the band but you're all great too. playing your guitars and banging the drums. it sounds good. you can be in emily's cabinet when one day she is PM.

I attend that class because I am going to earn 10% for the final mark just for raising my hand when he calls out my name says:
what would do to make yourself look good naked?

is gonna be cold says:
what do you mean?

I attend that class because I am going to earn 10% for the final mark just for raising my hand when he calls out my name says:
you look like a fella that has shit together all buff; girls throwing you googly eyes all the time... even the good looking ones... man; if i had twat, i wouldn't hestitate

is gonna be cold says:
OH!! you need to start working out

I attend that class because I am going to earn 10% for the final mark just for raising my hand when he calls out my name says:
shut up! right now i've downed a cannister of pringles and watering them with a corona...no good?

is gonna be cold says:
no

I attend that class because I am going to earn 10% for the final mark just for raising my hand when he calls out my name says:
fuck that then i don't REALLY need to look good naked

The Catholic Church in Spain backtracked late Wednesday from a leading bishop's groundbreaking statement in support of condom use to fight the spread of AIDS.
[..]
But on Wednesday night the conference issued a statement saying the bishop's comments "must be understood in the context of Catholic doctrine, which holds that use of condoms is immoral sexual conduct."
[..]
It said abstinence and fidelity among sexual partners are the best ways to combat the spread of AIDS and that scientists agree with this approach. "In accordance with these principles, it is not possible to recommend the use of condoms, as it is contrary to a person's morals," the statement said.
[..]
He said the church had back-pedalled because the Vatican spoke out after the Spanish bishop and it reiterated its opposition to use of condoms. "We return to conservative positions," he said.

you don't need to read da vinci's code (fiction by the way and with more distortions than you'd expect to find in michael moore's work) to see the mistakes the church continues to make even in the 21st century. only unlike past centuries no one is listening anymore. i was raised in a catholic home but my parents' religiousity did not register with me. as a kid lot of it had to do with having to go to a catholic high school and what a joke that really is. i lost four potential credits in sciences or something because the school would not let me graduate unless i take religion classes each year. and many times my lunch period was cut short because of one the spot masses in the cafe. it ain't cool when you interfere with a man's right to eat. when i bought my first pack of condoms i wasn't thinking my purchase may be upsetting the pope. i was young horny and gonna get laid. nothing was going to stop me. i take it that majority of the world shares the same sentiment. no church bulletin that satan resides in each and every condom is going to scare enough me not to slip it on.

i have nothing against religious people. all the power to you and your faith. but i take offense to a relic institution attempting to impose its "moral" rules on the world when it has its own skeletons in the closet. faith should be something personal. something according to your personal values and ideals. maybe some people require a large institution to lay out the plan to the moral life but i can't see how the church can. in the story above you had section of the church attempt to break away from a fixated worldview only to have the leash tightened by the big old dog. though i personally do have it and do not know where to begin to look for it the church is the last place i'd turn to in my spiritual quest.

i just finished shoveling the driveway after mother nature decided to vomit a layer of snow in the last 12 hours. i have some time to kill before my lady finishes her classes at the super smart university where she's learning to add numbers with letters that will one day make her lots of money. so thought i would do something productive around the house in the meantime. we used to have a small driveway and at one point had no driveway at all. now it's big driveway with a long sidewalk that wraps itself around the house which needs to be cleared of the snow. the sidewalk needs to be cleared just in case some an elderly lady falls and sues the city or you. then the big driveway of your may disappear due to legal fees. since we moved this fall shoveling snow has been more demanding than ever. it used to be so easy and yet so hard. there is a story in this and if you have a few minutes please continue to read.

in the past 15 years my family has moved 7 times for what seems like a silly enough reason to be moving for. you see my family comes from humble beginnings when they immigrated and getting this big driveway is a reward for their hard work. i remember the days when we lived in the ghetto-ized region of toronto and my mother was collecting dimes to be able to buy bread, putting water in milk so it would last longer and all my clothing came from second hand shops. my father's boss was also being a dick and thought because dad was some dumb polish immigrant he could fraud him with a few weekly checks that amounted to something like $1.57. when he wasn't that obvious he was cutting back ever-s0-subtly. eventually this was the saving grace.

after that we continued to struggle financially as he set aside money for the legal battle against the company. my father had binders of work logs paperwork contracts making this an open-and-shut case. once there was enough funds to hire a lawyer my father sued his company and recieved a hefty settlement for the back pay. a judge never heard the case because the guy had no defence and coughed everything up saving him the embarrassment. since then the company was folded and the owner eventually killed himself. though no one around here mourns his death. though one thing that bothers me whether he killed himself because of getting caught or the realization he was by far the biggest asshole i've ever heard off. i met him one time when i was younger; short, fat, bald and looked like the biggest trailer trash piece of shit this side of kingston ontario. he had no family. no offsprings. nothing. just my dad's earned money and when that was taken away he really had nothing to live for. i'm guessing getting caught is what killed him.

the settlement money was used to send my mother to school and get re-qualified. though she earned a math master's degree in stockholm and was a teacher by training no one cared. in canada a foreign education is only good for wiping your ass with. so she went to york got a degree in childhood education and worked in a preschool for a while. my dad was working for air canada now and money was starting to flow.

around this time my parents met another immigrant couple who were in a similar situation as the family was struggling to get adjusted. but somehow they managed to move out of the ghetto toronto building and move into a slightly more affluent community. mind you it was no rosedale either. my parents couldn't live with this because they were earning more now and thought deserved better. so we moved into a bigger apartment in a more affluent community than the friends. the friends didn't like that and bought a townhouse in mississauga. within a year my parents purchased one of those neato condo apartments that had a cool gym, sauna, big pool and all the fun luxuries of living in modern day condo. by now my father was bringing in the cheddar and mom's teacher qualification were finally recognized by the toronto schoolboard. for a bit she was a supply teacher in toronto but supply teachers are treated as a joke by everyone. we all know that.

one day a math teacher in mississauga's catholic schoolboard dropped off the face of the earth and a position opened up. next day the position was filled by my mother and after a decade of putting up with cleaning jobs, waitressing, changing diapers, babysitting high schoolers because the real teacher didn't feel like coming in that day what mom was supposed to do along she was finally allowed to do. within two years she ascended to the math department's head position and is running dat shit! dad's doing well for himself as well but after busting his balls day and night for air canada he's slowed down and taken a less demanding position within the company. in his tenure there he's travelled the world and back countless of times so his kids wouldn't have to rely on water downed milk and that his wife could do what she loves. though we have our difference i'm forever in his debt for what he's done for the family. he's my hero though i do not know how to tell him so.

throughout all this we continued to move and compete with these friends. you may be wondering what is it that they do. well i'll tell you. one is a baker and the other one cleans your coffee stains off tables at the pearson airport. they've had similar jobs since coming to canada and for that my parents think they have to be above them. and because of this my parents can't bare be below them so they'll continue moving until someone owns a 40 acre ranch and says, 'ok, we get it.' i used to love this because each time it meant my room is going to be getting bigger and i can't go wrong with that. but now that i have to shovel a bigger driveway each time i'm getting sick of this unspoken competition. i know this is driving the other family into a massive debt but my parents are all game. and they somehow compete battling and probably are planning to buy bigger house come spring time or so.

i don't think this competition is over yet but i am hoping by the next round i'll be having my own competition with my friends. one already has a jump start with an apartment in ottawa but doesn't count because mommy and daddy pay rent while he "studies" (aka: drinks away his weekly "funds"). but when we're all done getting this so-called education i am all game for an all out assault on upward social mobility. i've learned a thing or two from watching my folks so you motherfuckers be ready when i get out there! who am i kidding. i'll be here in my parents basement till i am 45 but hey! at least my room keep getting bigger each time mom and dad continue their assault!

this is a kind of condensed version of the story for the sake of my time and yours as well so there is no need to get into the dimensions of the property each time i moved. but if you got this far and get what i am talking about you get what i am talking about. i could tell my brother and sister this story ten times over as they are lucky enough to have no memories of the early days. their arrogance and spoiled attitudes is the result of my parents insulating them from a past that wasn't filled with pleasant memories. i'm glad i've been through this as it put everything into perspective. as soon as i was legally able to work i went to work. this summer was the first time i didn't work for more than three weeks straight thinking it's time i lay off and went to europe. people think think i am working my youth away but being brought up the way i was work is the only way one can redeem oneself. so seeing people who flaunt their wealth doesn't upset me because they probably worked their asses for it. seeing spoiled kids does piss the crap out of me because none of these kids ever know what they're parents did so their kids wouldn't have to go through that in the future.

i am quite lazy but ever so often try not to be and doing something then and now feels good. so i hope you understand why shoveling a driveway is somewhat bittersweet.

after posting this morning I went to class and all could think about was trying to add some more words to describe myself to go along with the post below. I gotta say this blogging thing is pretty addictive and gets in your veins awfully quick. I guess we all yearn from some sort of attention outside of the contact of your daily contacts.

I can’t tell you what class was about but looking at the course outline he’s supposed to be talking about Machiavelli’s Prince. I know I should pay more attention in class and blah blah blah but whatever. In theory the course sounded kinda cool as we were to be reading up on classics by the likes of plato and Aristotle. I down for that shit cuz I’m all up for knowledge from the godfathers of politics but the professor ruined that earlier. Granted he made it known in the first class he loves “intellectually” sucking plato’s dick but I didn’t think it would be to the point of deep throat. His two decades of “immersing” himself in the work of plato is wrecking my own reading of the guy. So I stopped coming to class because no matter what/who the guy is talking about it always leads back to how plato said so-and-so and therefore he is right and you’re all gonna fail if you don’t repeat that on the exam. Yeah I understand the politics of a university education; it’s not what you think but what the professor says that gets you the gpa to get into grad school and make the cheddar but there’s gotta be a limit to this. Talking down on students because their readings are “misguided” or “taken out of context” isn’t where I want my tuition fees to go. I rarely bitch about professors and their own views because poli-sci professors naturally have their bent just as much as I do. It’s what makes political discourse work and I’ve had my fair share of educators who sit on both sides of the spectrum. However they manage to incorporate both sides of the debate even if it goes against their own opinions. Sometimes they say how absurd the ideas are but throw them out there nonetheless. This is how a liberal education should work and from that you draw your own conclusions. However, this dude teaching political theory is blatantly slanted to one point of view and when the student present alternative ideas they’re rejected with an arrogant chuckle and 5 minute run on thought about how dumb undergrads are. That’s why I make it a rare habit to attend that lecture and just scraping by to get the credit. Needless to say I’m not going to soft on him on that report card at the end of the year. The TA is no better: a short bald headed jew who has a huge pack as if he’s going to be scaling mount everest following the tutorial. It’s fucking massive and the contents of it utterly secret. I swear seeing short fat bald headed jews in their late 20s with back packs is riot! I attend that class because I am going to earn 10% for the final mark just for raising my hand when he calls out my name. Besides, what’s one hour of my time on a Monday morning? It’s not like I have anything better to do. Why not laugh at the silly jew? This summer I installed a shit load of toilets for elderly ladies so I can afford the privilege of attending this prestigious institution. And sure it lot of fun in the first year but since then I’ve grown overtly cynical that school doesn’t teach you shit to make it in the real world and those who do teach are the ones that have chosen to avoid real life altogether and devote their life to the “academia.” Honestly, what am I supposed to do get out this class? Some guy who brags about studying plato at oxford university is going to help me in a few years? If this class wasn’t a requisite I would have dropped it early on.

here's a few words about myself by way of introduction. draw your own conclusions. i don't know who i am and i doubt you would either.

abrasive, inconsiderate, stubborn, practical, unpractical, pessimist, testosterone charged, accused gay by just about everyone at some point, passive-aggressive, cynical, sarcastic, cautious, future drunk, moody, short, confused, tight-wad, has a giantic one-eyed snake, tends to exaggerate, socially liberal, addicted to domestic or international politics, visited the various cities in the states (seattle, chicago, boston, new york, and dick load of hick towns), been to sweden, netherlands, poland and an airport in milan, thinks legal dutch weed is bomb diggity, thinks swedish girls are overrated but reasonable, thinks polish girls would make ideal wives if they kept their mouths shut, soft spot for the british accent, wants to die in vancouver in the meantime loving toronto, self-obsessed, likes books that have no point or story (non-fiction?), two lazy eyes, idealist, messy, dances worse than elaine on seinfeld, used to collect pop cans, wears flannel boxers till the crotch area vanishes, honest, when driving and lost turns down the stereo volume to "focus", tactless, nerdy but improving, not masculine enough, horny, unmotivated, sets low obtainable goals, fears rejection, socially retarded, racist, insomniac, over-thinking, thoughtless, a walking contradiction, noisy chewing, occasionally tolerable, alledged of being intelligent, grumpy, dreamer, rain-loving, fragile, worrying, manic, stingy, mistakes attention for affection, tempermental, not-easy-to-know, newly friendly, guilty shameful pleasures: shows like OC and Dawson's Creek and sappy 80s music, likes to make others laugh, passionate about pearl jam; travels distances to see them live, anal about his cd collections; sorts it alphabetically/chronologically, nostalgic, envious, lazy, loyal, embarassed, half assed in just about everything, hypocrite, crass, quiet, reliable, caffeine addict, cable news addict, likes cheese cake, rambles, quick-witted, listens to mid afternoon talk radio for the opinions of housewives and the unemployed, erratic, ass man, finds east indian girls attractive but they do not reciprocate, immature, introspective, hairless chest, foul mouthed, sly, non-people person, private, good driver when alone on the road, quotes seinfeld episodes when can't think of anything decent to say, selfish, fairly experienced, grumpy, swayable, life devoted to nothing, theorizing, night person, opionated, curious, righteous, used to drink a lot but cleaned up and found drugs, midnight toker, agnostic, near-sighted, quirky, SUV & van detesting, tought provoking, mellowing, self-proclaimed under achiever, cautious driver, non pretentious..no pretentious hating, loving tim hortons' regular coffee, closed off, postcrastinator, analytical by nature not by choice, cannot tell stories, hot-blooded, vengeful, cell-phoned hating but recently gave in to its precipitous temptations and evilness, now financially regretting it for the next 22 or so months, insightful, talks a lot of shit, yadda yadda yadda....

i've entered the game. all the cool kids around me are trying this out and it's time i pretend i am one of those cool kids.

this is my blog. this is my life ending one minute at a time. i've decided to document it for the time being.

don't know how to long this will last as my attention span is limited when it comes to any type of project. for i all i know this could be my introduction and goodbye to the magical world of blogging. only time can answer that question.

i don't plan on making this into a daily summary of the day's events because my day-to-day lacks the excitement to be worthy of your precious time. fuck? why would you care anyways? forget everything i just said and stay tuned.