lately. i've been thinking i've developed insomnia.

sleepless nights are becoming more frequent and nights with 3-4 hours of sleep are the norm.

i figure the cause is the change in my lifestyle. back in spring i concluded i am little too weightly and began a drastic overhaul of my diet, added some physical activity that has resulted in a weight drop from 160lbs to roughly 130lbs. only this week did i seek professional advice and maybe losing this much weight for someone who wasn't really overweight to begin wasn't healthy.

the low-carb high-protein mantra may have gone to my head as i relied basically on cottage cheese, tuna, carboard tasting oatmeal and whole grain breads.

at the same time, i started out running on a daily basis. they were a good way to clear my mind and surprisingly healed my lower back pains that were nagging for a good three years. turns a lot a little physical activity did the job rather than relying on walk-in clinic doctors and their muscle inflammation pills. at first i did light jogs of about one or two mile at the most to weeks later feeling disappointed if i didn't run at least 5 miles six times a week.

over the last 2 weeks i've come to realize may i've been doing this all wrong. the gut may be gone but it's replaced with the ghastly sight of all my ribs. at the beach on sunday, all i got is "wtf" looks from everyone. knowing little about nutrition and how to supplement a runner's diet, i messed my body to the max.

i look bad and others tell me so.

on top of this is the post-school job search anxiety. last week a job opportunity like sand snaked its way through my fingers and vanished just as fast. i didn't check the "professional" email address for a few days, nor the telephone messages, and so days later working my way through the federal bureaucracy in search of this job and the offer resulted in hapless pleas bordering desperation for work.

now even wanted ads in coffee shops are tempting as a place of work with their "walk in interview" signs. how could they possibly turn down a university graduate to serve coffee?

the past week has given me too much free time. lack of structure in my life and i relapse into the net clicking endlessly onto people's blog, my space pages, fitness forums, music forums and repeat cycle.

and throw a porn site or two as well.

but occassionaly the intrawebs offer up tidbits of information. like that canada's media steamroller Bell Globemedia is bidding for the rights to CBC's longtime staple Hockey Night in Canada. hockey coverage in canada is profittable, especially come playoff time as the ad revenues start rolling in. cbc was making $30 million off its nhl coverage. the nhl profits were then used to fund in-house programming devoted to canadian society and culture.

for the past few years, tsn (bell's sports channel)and cbc playoff coverage has been pretty even, but cbc had a hold on covering canadian teams. tsn was relegated to covering san jose/dallas/phoenix games, which well, no one pays much attention to. now bell is swooping in, aiming to eliminate dual coverage between the networks. ironically, right-winged pundits have long complained cbc hinders media competition. with this potential deal, the nhl monopoly will be in the hands of the private sector. but of course, they'll argue that's better than in the hands of a public corporation.

as to where the cbc's is going to generate its revenues has the execs anxious right now. as much i love the fifth estate, passionate eye, its nighly national, and respectable newsworld, these programs are going to suffer without nhl's cash.

considering CBC's lifeline is its hockey coverage, this could spell disaster for our publicly funded media. do the nhl folks care hockey night in canada has been a coast-to-coast tradition even prior the television? probably not. bell globemedia is throwing money around that simply cbc cannot match, which is more than double what cbc pays right now.

aside from the obvious end of hockey tradition, this could be the end of cbc as we know it. without its hockey coverage, losing the olympics a while back, won't be long before taxpayers groan as to why the network should exist? those who oppose state-funded media are already salivating at the prospect of the nhl's jump to another network as the deathblow to the cbc.

it will be interesting to see how this plays out. more importantly, with cbc's nhl rights set to expire in two years, it will be interesting to see how the federal government responds. will the conservatives--or whatever government--support cbc's right to hockey night in canada or allow the private media to take away this country's sports/cultural icon?

and yeah, what's gonna happen to don cherry?

yes. so the undergrad years appear to be over. a semester late due the fact first year i didn't have clue what i was doing.

come to think, i hardly had grasp on it throughout the four years (plus an extra semester). went to some classes, used my notebook to sketch the shoes of the people in front of me. an essay here & there. maybe drank too much. fogged some memories along the way. met good friends.
with a degree in political science i have every right to bitch about anything no?

now what? join fellow friends who mutter about the unrewarding jobs or unrewarding job searches.

grad school to pursue my love of knowledge? maybe. just not now. maybe do some volunteering.

i'm as confused as i was four years ago.