Last week, we met for the first time at Pub Italia and thoroughly enjoyed our company. Laughter, conversation flowing, no awkward silence. We promised to meet up again. At the end of the night, I went in for a hug, she went in for a kiss. Kinda awkward on my part, as it simmered in my head all week.

Last night, we met again for a cheap dinner and a movie. The burrito place didn't live up to my expectations and it was somewhat disappointing compared to Burrito Boyz. After the movie, again she dropped me off at my building, we have quick chat in her car, I tell her to get home safe and go in for the kiss, but she goes in for a hug.

Dang again, total misread again.

We correct the wrong from the week prior by pulling away from a hug and both going for a kiss this time. To which, she says, "thanks" after kiss.

Can't figure that one out at all. Thanks for correcting the wrong or thanks for the kiss?

authorities have yet to put a figure on the estimated damages.

write something you idiot, write something.

anything!

works sucks. mainly because of now looming unemployment effective december 18th at 4:30pm. and this wasn't the case just two weeks ago when my contract was renewed and everything seemed honky dorry until at least spring time. however, due to my school's inabilities to set clear policies--at least properly inform their students on employment opportunities--the offer is in limbo. i've been employed as a student in government for the past 4 months and my contract was set to expire. i contacted the school to ask whether i could work through until spring when i'm actually set to graduate and was given the green light.

i went through a competitive process to have my student contract renewed, got the interview, nailed it, was offered the position. after which i contacted the school to forward document verifying my student status, only to be told that it turns the school's policies limit students to a single term placement. of course, this is after i gave been offered the job and now feel like a goof explaining all this to the hiring manager. now, i have a sneaky suspicion their going through the interview process with other students in case nothing can be done to keep me on.

trying to sort of my situation means dealing with two bureaucratic institutions: on the one end my university and on the other the government. it's like standing between two massive dark forests completely obtuse as to how to approach either.

my work days consists of haggling university administrators up and down the entire hierarchy to fix the problem they created in the first place with their misinformation. no one has an answer, no one really cares. the only offer made to me was pay the school full time tuition, i keep my student job and everything will go away. lovely! in other words, i keep my job and work pro bono as all my earnings would go towards tuition.

so there; i wrote something.

so it seems ignatieff's summer chest pounding of bringing down the government amounted to nothing as other parties came to harper's defence and the conservative minority keeps rolling on for the foreseeable future.

it is a shame really because odds are the conservatives would've won yet. maybe then liberals would actually do some creative destruction and re-brand their party in a sensible way than the bandaid approach since chretien folks booked it. for it has become blatant that choosing ignatieff as the liberal party leader is a bigger mistake then dion. like an aging hockey team whose past glories are just memories where insitutional rut and routine prevent new ideas and fresh blood from bringing it back on course.

so now that iggy's polls numbers are dipping to the lowest of the lows, he has brought in team chretien to steer this ship back on course. will it work? i doubt it.

it's not so much that canadians are put off by ignatieff. he's celebrity status put him as the most recognizable politician even before stepping foot into the house of commons. canadians revere our own that have established themselves beyond our borders. international success is like the kid that gets out of the small town and heads for the big city. it's seen in our actors, musicians, and athletes, so the political elites are likely to enjoy the same proudness amongst the citizens. the conservative attack ads on iggy's un-canadianness hasn't really resonated and for the most part, they've let it slide that he hasn't lived in canada for the last 20 years.

what is wrong with the liberals now is liberals. the good years of chretien's cake walk majorities are a distant past. the rules of the game have changed and the united right means liberals won't be painting the electoral map red anytime soon. thus, bringing in chretien's former aids just perpetuates the problem of a party not really wanting to do any real soul searching to find something new and fresh to get canadian votes on their wagon.

and now with canadians more and more open to harper, iggy's once promising political resume could spell an entire bust. not just for him, who i imagine, does not handle defeat well. but a bust for the liberal party members who are being hijacked by iggy's personal aspirations of padding his CV than actual commitment to politics is not that of his academics.

where once ignatieff had the potential of sinking harper's political career, in the fall of 2009, the tables have turned. now, it's stephen harper dangling the nooze.

keeping this blog steadily updated shouldn't be a difficult task. i mean, some dude's got their mojo 24/7. tony is busy with a banging career. busy banging pretty girls all over SoCal (or where ever his adventures take him) and still churning out posts like nobody's business.

i think about blogging often but never get around to it. i have plenty of excuses but that's all they are really, excuses. which is a shame, because some days i think i have the most insightful things to say but no one say it to or write it down anywhere. then i think about blogging it.

on and off, i have kept this blog going more than most i ever did. stories, photo projects have been started but not finished. only thing i've successfully finished it relationship.

but enough blogging about blogging. let's just get down to some heavy shit.

since we last parted; i found employment and therefore, the recession ended with it. ironically, the same friends around me that groaned about their plethora of education and no employment to show for it, jobs sprung up for them too. we collectively declared the recession is over and don't need to wait for the economists to declare it.

now everyone has all the electronic gadgets, fancy clothes, and going through money like air. i stilll stick to my storebrand items at grocery to save the quarter or two on pasta sauce. just how i roll.

my job took me 500 km away from home to ottawa where i'm working for the federal government doing high level stuff with classified docs. so can't really talk about my job per se. it's a contract for now which is good in the sense that everything remains up in the air in terms of whether i want to remain here.

living in ottawa isn't all it's cracked out to be. for a nation's capital it's a rather dull city but i suppose other heavily bureaucratic cities share a similar culture to them. people coming from toronto or montreal seem to share impressions of the city and long for a chance to take their job home. which is my sentiment; i love my job but somehow wish 'working from home' meant it can be 500 KM away from the centre of the universe. i've meant a person who commutes from montreal who sort of understands what i'm talking about.

i suppose a lot has to do with the fact i haven't really met anyone here. days mainly consist of getting back from work and waiting for the next one. i hang out with fellow queen's folks here and there; grab a bite or bevvy but the friends i have back home i miss terribly. being back this past long weekend made me think how much i really do miss toronto that i didn't miss the same way when i lived in kingston. i guess kingston also seemed temporal so it was a matter of just getting through it; boxing my stuff and moving on. but ottawa could potentially end up being long-term. having an apartment with newly purchased furniture just makes everything more homely than anything i have gotten myself before outside my parents house. usually it was with housemates and landlords providing all the goods.

like the 'living in kingston' project that became a complete bust we'll see how i manage with the 'life in ottawa' reincarnation. i suppose that's going to have to begin with finding some interesting things to do around here. we'll go all whitney like when she left O.C for new york city.

i hear there's trivia on tuesday nights? let the good times roll!

a while back i mocked those sitting in the library mid-afternoon as people that are generally unemployed or entirely unemployable.

now that i find myself one of them; it's not so bad. serves me right. mind you, i sort of saw this coming so i prepared with anticipation.

trying to find meaningful is pretty bleak these days. seeking out government work just compounds these things.

countless of cover letters and resume have been sent out to just about every ontario ministry. one call back thus far that proved doomed from the get go. so the search continues. even a brief contemplation of applying for an internship in aylmer ontario; until i realized it's an amish community and settling into the town would be a bit of a challenge. in the end, common sense won over the need to work.

i even applied at my old place of employment as a sort of intermittent job. ironically, i went back to school to find something better than what i was doing and going back was solely for a weekly paycheck.

which i think they called back the next morning around 10am but since my cell phone was on silent, lacks call display and no voicemail, i have no way of proving it. that's how professionals roll yo. i tried to contact them to no avail and was thoroughly pissed they called (potentially) that early in the day. should they not know the unemployed generally sleep till the noon hour?? it's only common courtesy to call in the afternoon when there is a greater chance of being up already.

so the job hunt carries on; luckily ottawa jobs are springing up again so that door isn't entirely closed off yet.

on the bright side, all those down time gives me plenty of time to find new music. mos def has a new solid record, drum n' bass in general is solid music, pearl jam's new tune is bleh, and work out partner at the gym had killer tips until he found out he's going to jail this weekend. darn.

being overtly health conscious isn't all that easy. sure, you pride yourself on self-control and gains you are able to make, but when it comes to being in a social setting with individuals that such things are talked about in passing but never acted upon; you come off as the weird one.

never mind trying to tell them about GI index that would sound as foreign as the chinese language.

so finding ourselves at get togethers and scanning the selection for food for something of minimal fat to protein ratios can be difficult without sounding too much of a douche. i learned from past experiences that people just don't want to be lectured on their eating habits.

i try and tell them my brother that eating three bagels with cream cheese on the daily basis isn't the smartest decision he can make. yet, i come off as the asshole for looking out for his health.

saturday night; the selection of pork, fried rice, chips, cheese, and of course, two family-sized picnic coolers of beer limited my options.

the idea of 'health freaks' bringing their own foods is just as ridiculous as deciding what i can eat off the table.

without being vain and going abouts explaining why such foods aren't part of my diet--out of the simple goal of not offending the host--i nibbled on the pork chop for a good amount of time.

drinking the beer was just as difficult; over a span of seven hours i nursed three beers and still counted the nearly 700 calories that i pointlessly poured down my throat. this is tougher than it seems as my reduction of beer consumption is pretty new and there's always the temption to drink like the fish i did a mere months ago. and not being a fan of liquor, beer was the drug of choice.

having no excuse to get nekkid and flaunt my summer body as to why these sort of things consume me this time of the year, i wasn't all that socially festive and waited for the first person to pack up, so the dominoes would fall and i could make my departure.

i guess being healthy isn't all its cracked out to be when you're surrounded by so many foods that you just want to devour most of the time. and i wonder, who has it better; the one concerned about eating healthy or the one who gives a fuck all about such things?

back in mississauga indefinitely till i figure out what i want to do next.

the job search has been rather slow and drawn out. of course, looking for work in the government is just that; right from the hiring process that slowness of the bureaucracy is just awfully painful.

applying for jobs that have closing dates two weeks down the line and followed by another 4-6 week period is not good when i'm burning through my savings like a mofo.

as such, once the lease ran out my old place, i headed back home with the parents to stabilize the financial bleeding. but the last few weeks have filled my minds that now i have a chance to apply for a butt load of government jobs and bail for europe for 5 or 6 weeks. thinking that life isn't going to afford such windows again and this summer is the potential.

but being awfully cheap makes it difficult to plunk several grand on a few week trip against future earnings that aren't even there yet. something more sensible (cheaper) that i'm considering is a train trip through canada or roadtrip through the united states. either way, the likelihood of non-working is guaranteed in the coming summer months so why idle away what may be the last summer vacation of my life?

either way; i'm getting rather restless and living this unstructured leisurely life is getting to me. i avoid daytime television out of fear of becoming more placid. the day's tasks of consist of applying for work, hitting the gym, and taking an occassional piss. certainly this isn't the way i expected things to be at this point. the idleness makes me want to call up the old pot dealer to see if he's still in the trade.

some folks in the program that jobs gladly gloat working in either ottawa, toronto or far as edmonton. perhaps out of jealousy, i really don't see what's there to gloat about being a bureaucrat?? i took this career choice as a safety path; a comfort food profession that's safe without the glitz and glamour; ie: that much earnings. to outsiders, the idea of working for the government seems to be something. for me, it's just a job. i got to know a senior civil this year who said i could do this with my eyes closed. it's not really assuring and since then planted doubts just how much i really want this.

but doing additional schooling just isn't an option. at a certain point that plethora of degrees and year's spent is school just looks like a caution flag of someone who can't function in the work world. this year, i got meet a dude with a PHD and was a doing a masters degree with me. stuff like that puzzles some but i took him for a guy not cut out for the academia or the working world. no one wants to be that guy.

same as meeting people who actually aspire to have 5 titles after their name. if anything, this year taught me that to an extent education is seemingly useless for personal growth but whether it furthers a career i find equally questionable. if i was recruiting i wouldn't consider a 28 year old with two masters degrees whose working credentials are highlighted by 3 year stint as a barista.

regardless; two weeks of being back and having nothing to do feels like it's starting to play with my mind.

i need something quick.

growing up in toronto and being a fan of rock music, edge 102/cfny was a staple to hear new music, follow the 'alternative' scene and even anticipate the album premiers long before internet leaks were the norm.

highlights included having pearl jam's no code dubbed on a cassette tape (well most of it) two weeks before the album release date. tape recording of dave grohl being interviewed about the making of the colour and the shape.

but as the technology changed, so did the reliance on radio. online sources like the groundbreaking Napster to current sites like pitchfork, hype'em and last.fm really allow audiences to seek out their niche sound in real time pretty much doing away radio among today's 20 somethings.

and with the advent of the ipod and ability to transport music--car included--radio became a last refuge source to find new music. mind you, the medium was not helping itself with a standard play list of the same 10-12 songs on a daily basis.

nonetheless, there is something familiar about radio that modern technology cannot duplicate; the personality behind the music.

the death of martin streek is doubly saddening as it marks an end--at least in toronto--to a particular brand of radio that seems to be fading. mr. streek represented the old guard of authoritative music figures that were passionate about it and disseminating it to the biggest possible audiences. today's DJs lack the same breadth of knowledge (or at least withhold it in the face of corporate pressure) that is unlikely to see radio make a successful transition parallel to the internet's ways of spreading new sounds. instead there is a reliance on lazy playlists that get stale quickly unless you enjoy hearing the same music day in and day out. sadly, the station's management chose to continue on that path when martin streek was laid off--along with barry taylor--as a part of the company's restructuring plan.

reading the out pour of support on facebook, twitter and the edge's site, martin was a respected, loved and cared for being beyond his radio personality.

keep it locked, cranked and full tilt martin.

back in the toronto area for a little while.

headed to my old school to work on some school projects but it proved unproductive as it seems alumni cannot access the school's wireless network.

after shelling out 30k, you'd think allowing students to use wireless in the library would be a 'perk.'

instead, headed to a public library. the idea of being in an environment surrounded by books somehow makes me productive than working in a quiet place, entirely within my control.

in the afternoon, the library seems filled with the unemployed/unemployable/or general vagabonds and stragglers. i'm not sure what that makes me then?

job prospects look bleak; i aimlessly blame the recession and regular updates of unemployment rates keep going up with no end in sight.

it's a nice comfort blank.

in general speaking of the recession and projecting blame comes in handy at all times. my 'car dude' is frowning that i'm not doing on any the regular maintainence things, 'sorry dude, we're in a recession.'

the rents get upset when i don't call; blame it on the recession.

perhaps, i shouldn't talk so negatively of the fellows sitting around me right now. come to weeks i'll be classified as them if there's no job awaiting.

the 'i'm still in school' line has only a limited life time, especially when you are no longer in school.

when it comes to all things internet, staying ahead of the curve seems to be a full time occupation. blink and you might find yourself talking about things that just aren't 'cool' anymore.

take a look at blogging; it seems with the instant popularity of twitter, bloggers find themselves questioning whether their art is passing thing. like the bangles sang of video killing the radio star, maybe twitter is killing all the talented blogger stars in a similar fashion?

which is a shame really. it speaks of our general cultural shifts where everything must be short, void of context and easily processed. twitter achieves that by putting a strict limit on the amount of characters one can use.

i haven't really been all up on it. to think of it, i find myself falling more and more behind on the whole web 2.0 thing. i still listen to music via winamp which these days seem to be something like still using windows 95. and people scoff at me that i use office 2003, largely because i find the latest office awfully tacky looking and difficult to navigate. somehow microsoft attempts to 'appelize' themselves have made their programs more convoluted than ever.

but i digress....

the interesting aspect of the twitter sensations seems to be were the threshold market occurred. and unlike other social networking sites, twitter came top down with the media/political crowd appearing to be 'all with it' by setting up their own accounts. perhaps out of the desperation to prove they have a pulse on technology??

the whole thing came off as fake (just as the many fake accounts claiming to be the tweets of your favourite celebrity). just seemed like an attempt by the old boys club of media domineering giants to push forth a website. what's made the net so appealing over these years is the very fact it has worked the opposite; that it's strength is in what people decide upon as popular than what is sold to us. it seems the immediate explosion of people tweeting about this and that is it's been marketed well as something all celebs and politicians are doing. who can forget the story months back about the politicians tweeting during obama's speech to a joint session of congress? after that, the story was of the 'tech-savvy' members using this new and exciting communication tool.

but perhaps, there is some appeal to twitter. much like the downfall of the likes of myspace when it was simply no longer pleasing to look at it; facebook attracted attention for its simplicity and appealing layouts. fast forward two years and facebook seems to be overwhelmed with apps, links to videos, articles, stories of people scoring this and that on online games. basically, it has been flooded with nonsense that make the whole thing simply look unappealing.

in comes twitter with its simple layouts and minimal text, much like the original facebook. and of course, perhaps, out of concern that the whole privacy envelope was pushed way too far with FB; twitter seems to have pulled back on some of the pitfalls of FB.

or maybe i am simply completely and utterly out of the loop when it comes to technology. maybe it's why i still blog while millions tweets could've been made as i typed this out.

regardless; i like the idea of my favourite porn star, sasha grey, tweeting about her twat.

so greg gutfield apologizes to canada for the manner in which his words were misunderstood and in no way meant to disrespect the canadian effort in afghanistan of the past 8 years.

i suggest his next apology should be to the americans for not being funny.

and why is this even on the frontpage of canadian papers? perhaps, i am victim too; making reference of this story on this seldom used blog.

an unfunny talk show host of a program airing at 3am warrants the attention of our defence minister to call for an apology.

taking a position on the comments of fools on fox news isn't really the way to go about it. for the handful of people that watched the actual show; this wouldn't been a non-story until our politicians chose to make into one.

as insensitive and ignorants the comments were; sometimes ignoring them is the best way to go about it.

expecting dim wits to apologize?? this country needs to grow up

back in kingston for the win. or loss, who know's at this point?

the post reading week mood is akin to the feelings during the undergrad years; coming back is tough well-aware of the madness that awaits in the coming weeks.

the low points of the winter months are also taking their toll; last week's weather was a short reprieve and that winter still has a good 4 weeks in her. bitch.

the new layer of snow this morning actually was depressing to look at.

listening to sun kil moon all morning isn't help out either.

will to work is at an all time low for me these days. i'll try my best not to show it to others and perks of the many group projects with several keeners offers a good chance to latch on and just go through the motions.

the economic downturn is also presenting a challenge for the job prospects at the end of the program.

last year's class by march was pretty much set for jobs, this year's class has a only a handful of people that will actually be working come july.

the latest rejection by the ontario government has me pondering the potential of looking for work outside of the province, maybe outside of the country.

ontario these days isn't looking like the place to want to be; last night in a drunken stoop i procliamed this province is the next newfoundland with the auto sector what the fisheries did to that province. of course, neither are other provinces fairing any better, but the potential is greater than elsewhere.

blah. this post is boring; indicative of the general mood.

what up blogosphere?? psyched about the budget dropping tomorrow afternoon?? no??

i guess have one prof that is a known economists and another that worked at the treasury board, they've been hyping tomorrow's shenanigans since the start of the winter term. one of them is even privileged to be invited to ottawa and review the thing before it goes public.

which isn't saying much considering this government broke the traditional budgetary secrecy practice and spilled their beans last week.

as one commentator put it; last week canada got the bill, this week they find it exactly what they got. sorta a reverse version of a credit card.

likely the budget will survive and so will the harper's government given the massive spending projects that have already been announced it's unlikely the liberals will defeat the government. besides, they have to get their shit together under their new leader before going to the polls. iggy needs to introduce himself to canadians at the helm of the party. earlier this month, thomas axworthy suggested the liberals are in needs of an infusion of new ideas and policy directions before thinking of election.

not a bad idea but given the lightning fast development of the last two months, elections and coalitions will always loom given the three parties formally entered into an accord to take over the governance when they seem fit.

as for the coalition; it's safe to assume that idea sputtered out of canada's consciousness soon after the liberals booted dion. the only person really talking about is the ndp's layton; cognizant a coalition government is his only realistic claim at power in federal politics. that is not to say the coalition government will not form in the future, however, unlikely it would be over the budget as harper is pretty much bending over backwards to ensure every corner of canada is injected with stimulus dollars. a defeat of the government would be a blind political move without consideration of the text itself.